the destruction of relationships is a curious thing. everything that we are faced with as human beings is so incredibly fragile. one wrong word or action and everything comes crumbling down. it’s astonishing how we build ourselves up and create this idea that somehow we’re all strong and can stand anything that’s thrown at us. heartbreak, death, etc. the truth though, is that we’re all glass houses and we all crack over time. some more than others. and over enough time and experience we all just seem to shatter.
You looked like such a happy person, before all of this. I didn’t know you, and you didn’t know me, but we were the same person. We just didn’t know it yet. We don’t know it now. But I know it and so do you.
It has been so long since you’ve been able to love someone with your heart. You’ve meandered about the waiting room for months. But that room only yields bad news, and that’s what you have. You’ve got bad news, friend. I’d tell a beautiful soul like yourself that I’ve fallen in love, and at points I truly believe it myself. There are moments when I can think of no one else, and your individual emotions overcome my humanity; swallowed into another state of being…an empathic reality. But in the long run, I know that you are you, and that I am myself. & there is little to no major or minor interconnection.
You say, “I love you”. You have said, “I love you”. You will say, “I love you”. I know you mean it on a certain level, but I urge you: if you do not mean it the way I’ve stacked it up in my head, please don’t say it. I’ve built this despicable state that filters words and phrases that shuffle in with a blasé demeanor. But the single phrase that you have uttered twice now leaves me on my knees with my hands out in front of me. Begging, longing for more.
I beg for more of you. I could never have you, and I’m more than aware of that in any mental capacity or state, but that does not keep one from wishing. & I love you. But I love you in the way that I mean it.
I’m so sorry that he hurt you. That he scarred you. That he imprinted permanent damage onto your impressionable skin. It was not fair, and I’m sorry you’re frightened to get close to anyone else. Be okay. Be free. Please be healed. I beg…
It’s so strange how people can tell you things without even knowing. If you have a question that always exists in the back of your head, tucked away somewhere…you’ll constantly be answering it. It’s a sad thing to think of a person and realize that they’re merely temporary and have no major impact on your life. It’s a sad thing to know you won’t remember a persons name. A human being whom you exchanged words and thoughts with. It’s terribly sad, but,
I think I realized tonight that I won’t remember you.
there are some people and things you just let yourself love.